The challenges some women go through in marriage many times scare many from preparing for marriage. Sometimes you are tempted to ask how the sweet romance translated into a war zone where abuse, torture, wickedness, slavery, selfishness and fighting reigns.
I will feel so guilty if I don’t share this painful truth with you so that you don’t fall into the same pit that consumed some ladies and crushed some in their marriage.
This article is never to condemn all men or to defend the women, but I write with all sincerity of heart to help the intending couple to prepare themselves adequately and avoid any pitfalls that may crush their marriage.
1. Do not marry a man who doesn’t have a personal relationship with God
You cannot be expecting the best from God and settle for a man who doesn’t know him, fear him, study his word, obey his commandments, and desire to make heaven. This has absolutely nothing to do with denominations or place of worship, it has everything to do with a man who earnestly desires to please God and allow God to reign in his life.
Having riches, working in the best companies, looking tall, chocolate and handsome doesn’t make him a husband material, instead, it makes him an attractive man. But if you want to marry a man who will respect you, appreciate you, pamper you, pray for you, be selfless to you, and help you become a better lady, then you need a man who has a deep relationship with God, because it’s only a man who has a personal relationship with God that will take good care of you just as God does all the time.
2. Do not marry a man whose vision you do not understand or agree with
Every man carry a vision, and the vision of a man determines how his life will turn out, it determines his choice of friends, determines his choices in life, his decisions, convictions and expectations in marriage.
If you wish to be a motivational speaker and you settle for a business man, it will be extremely difficult for your husband to permit you to function in such capacity, especially when he feels that you may be a threat to him.
Before you ask a man what he does for a living, please find out what he’s living for, because what he’s living for comes before what he does for a living. Understand where he’s heading before you marry him so that you won’t struggle to fit into his ministry and vision for his life.
3. Do not marry a man who you know doesn’t support your vision or a man who you can’t fit into his vision
Men are not the only ones with vision, we also have visionary ladies and ladies who have a divine purpose for her life. Gone are the days where a lady is bought from her parents and kept in his kitchen to cook for the man, have sex with him, take care of his children, and take care of the house.
In fact, before any lady thinks of marriage, she needs to discover herself, her passion and her skills so that when a man comes with his romantic songs, she will let him know what her personality stands for.
In a situation where you have a man who doesn’t believe in your vision or is not willing to support you in your passion, and you know within your heart that you cannot sacrifice your passion or vision for his own passion or vision for himself and for the marriage, please, please and plead do not get married to him, and if you decide to ignore this and marry him, please remain obedient and submissive to his authority and complain not.
4. Don’t marry an irresponsible man
Marriage is not for lazy bones, it’s not for men whose job is to have the erection and have sex with a woman. Marriage is not for men who have so many excuses to give, it’s not for men who cannot provide for themselves and their basic needs of clothing, shelter and food. It is a man who understands the responsibility that comes with marriage, it’s a man who understands his duty as a husband and the provider of his home.
If you decide to marry him out of love, please don’t complain about your pains with him.
There are some men that got married to a lady without even having a single room where he will stay with his wife, some couples are been taken care of by the parents, and some men are so selfish and wicked that they won’t provide anything for the poor woman and her children but will go about drinking and partying with friends.
I am talking tough not because I heard about it but because I have seen many women who are struggling to take care of their children. Even if you got pregnant for him by accident, please do not dump yourself with him because it may be extremely difficult for you when you have more than you can cater for.
Please avoid those who depend on gambling to survive or those who give so many excuses why they can’t try anything that is legitimate or noble to provide for their home. A bricklayer who earns the little sum of money is a whole lot better than a gambler who earns six million in two years time. Please be wise and be real, don’t let anyone fool you with love, you need money to pay your dues and provide for the family, and if he’s not responsible, kindly bid him goodbye.
5. Do not marry an abusive man
You see abuse doesn’t start after the wedding, it starts from the subtle way he treats you, and takes care of you during dating or courtship. For some, whenever there’s any misunderstanding, they keep malice, shut down every form of communication, reports you to all his family and enemies, and make sure that you kneel down to beg before the relationship will continue. To you, it is love but the truth is that he’s abusive. There are some men who believe that women have a fish brain and as such must be suppressed. They don’t allow you to share any opinions of yours no matter how dumb or irrelevant because as long as it’s not coming from a man, it’s not valid. There are some men who will do something that is clearly wrong to their partner but will never apologise for their wrong actions. Some will choose to buy gifts instead of saying sorry, and some will keep quiet until the lady comes begging. You call that love??? No, it is not love, it is an abuse and if you decide to settle with such a man, you are inviting depression and high blood pressure to yourself. You can quote me. What some people don’t know is that apologising verbally is far better than any sacrifices or rewards.
6. Do not marry a mummy’s pet
Marriage is for mature minds and not for babies. If you are dating a man who cannot make a decision and stand by it, if you are dating a man who will always report you to his mother, and decide with his mother, you are already preparing yourself to become his mother’s slave.
We all appreciate our mother because we know the sacrifices that they paid to bring us to this world, but marriage is not a compensation for our parents but a divine covenant between a man and his wife. You need a man who wouldn’t take you to his hometown and allow anyone to humiliate you while he keeps quiet watching and smiling.
7. Do not marry a perfect man
A perfect man is a man that doesn’t see anything good in your life. Your character is not good, your dressing has flaws, your opinions are childish, your jokes are boring, your food is salty, and your efforts is nothing. He complains about anything and everything because he’s a perfect man, sent from heaven to criticise women. His role is not to help you, to build you, to encourage you, to appreciate you, and to be patient with you, rather his role is to criticise you, condemn you, judge you, abuse you, and make the mockery of you no matter how much you try. Also, this man doesn’t forgive you even if you kneel down and shed blood, he will definitely remind you of your flaws and use it against you someday.
He’s so perfect that I’m wondering why he needs a woman to marry, some of them don’t hide this perfection because they only marry to have children, and once they have the children, they will discard the mother and pamper the children. Please for such man, he doesn’t need a woman and I am pleading with you not to be the victim because you will never finish your testimony.
8. Do not marry an unfaithful man
I know that you will ignore this warning because you love him and according to you, men are polygamous in nature and you can’t help but accept them the way they are. I don’t have any problems with your opinion, but if you choose to stick with him, please don’t go about reporting to his family and friends of his cheating attitude.
Men who cheat don’t hide their attitude because it’s always showing up in all their endeavours. They use one lies to cover up today, and they give one excuse for tomorrow. Their phones are always on three dimensional security lock, and you dare not touch their phone or question their whereabouts.
Everyone is tempted to cheat and everyone has the grace and the capacity to resist every temptation to cheat, in a situation where he cheats and cheats and cheats, and you keep on forgiving and forgiving and forgiving because you love him, please remember that after wedding, your first law should be to always forgive him whenever you notice such a strange habit.
9. Do not marry a man that you are not willing to submit to as your husband and companion
I know that you weren’t expecting this, but it’s actually true. There are some ladies who got married to a man that they do not respect or give honour to. They go about commanding, abusing and embarrassing him, they disobey him and do anything they like simply because they have vowed never to submit to his leadership. She gets instructions from her family, friends and colleagues, and impose it on her husband because he dare not say anything. They bully him and talk to him as a slave and they do whatever they feel like.
These categories of women don’t need to marry any man, because it’s a gateway to catastrophe.
Beautiful and gorgeous woman, if you cannot submit to his leadership and respect his personality, if you cannot contribute financially,spiritually, emotionally, sexually and psychologically to the growth of the marriage, if you know within yourself that you cannot put yourself under him and give him the respect that he deserves, please don’t border getting married to him because both of you will struggle with your marriage.
10. Do not marry a man who you are not proud of or comfortable with
To marry a man and keep him in a cage is wickedness in itself. If you know deep down that he doesn’t rock your boat, why accept his ring? Marriage is not a gamble so if you are not cool with him and you know that you are getting married simply because you don’t have any other options for yourself, please don’t put yourself in that bondage by getting married to him.
11. Do not marry a man you cannot accommodate his shortcomings
We all know that marriage is not for perfect individuals, there must be some sacrifices, inconveniences, disagreements and challenges that both of you will need to work on for your marriage to prosper. If you feel that you cannot accommodate his weaknesses as a human, and you know that you do not have the grace, the wisdom, the patience and the maturity to stand in the gap and cover him in his areas of weakness, please do not border getting married to him.
Marriage is not a fanfare, it’s not seeing a movie, it’s not the drama of proposing and entertaining the audience, it is a real deal and you need to wake up to the realities of your partner and prayerfully decide on what’s best for you.
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